5 Minute Friday | Community

It's confessing. It's healing. It's the feeling I get when I'm too tired to entertain so I just sit down and relax with family.
Family.
Sometimes there are still pretenses; when we are around less familiar faces. But when I think of community I think of truth. I don't have to hide myself. I look around at people who know the secrets I thought I'd take to the grave and I am so thankful. I've never known anything like this. I've read about it, but I've never known it to this scale.
It's also those people you can't let go of. Beth is my community. It should be abundant and full of different personalities, backgrounds, perspectives... But sometimes it's just one more person so you know you're not alone. When our husbands were gone that's all I had.

A Thousand Tears (from the people who have to listen to me learn the guitar)

So, inspired by my awesome neighbor/sister Tessa and the other people in our community who can just pick up the guitar I have owned for 2 years and make beautiful sounds that I have yet to comprehend in said amount of time, I am finally learning to play! The final push was the image of playing and singing to my beautiful daughter as she grows up; expressing to her the beauty she brings to our home and teaching her about music. I look forward to watching her swim in rhythms and harmonies, discovering the strict structure and free abstracts which complement each other so well in such a rare way.

My little Darling... The Hippy Babe complete with
an Amber Teething Necklace... Yeah, I'm that mom... 

I decided to pick a song to learn on that would be special to RJ and I as she grew. I've heard A Thousand Years by Christina Perri on the radio and it makes me think of my little girl: how I've longed for her since I was a girl myself, how she is so worth the wait, how my insecurities about being a mother climaxed and melted when she showed up, how I want more than almost anything for her to know, no matter what she experiences in this life, that she is so incredibly loved and wanted and important.

Folk Tales | Doula

Labor was here. I was in denial, but the contractions were not. Gabe was being an incredible "Birth Coach" despite the quick progression he had not been expecting. When we called Brittany the first time we had no idea we would soon be picking her up on the way to deliver our child. We just wanted to get through that minute, that second. It was, especially for my sweet husband, chaotic.

Not for Brittany. Over the phone she was calm and pleasant. She brought a sense of peace to our home through the little speaker. She advised us confidently while maintaining her cheer. When we realized that we needed to go to the Birthing Center and that our planned doula would not be there, Brittany jumped into our birth team with enthusiasm and skill. We picked her up on the way and without any formalities she was massaging my back, calming my fears and reminding us that this was an exciting, happy event.

She even knew what to do in case I started pushing in the car. I didn't, but she was prepared.

That is why I recommend a doula.

Folk Tales | Placenta

*Folk Tale Disclaimer: These are simply the reasons we chose to do the things we do. We absolutely do not condemn any other parenting decisions as we fully respect that God put specific kids with specific parents and those parents are the only ones fully responsible for their children. These posts are merely meant to be a window into our lives for those who'd like to peer in and to offer some first hand knowledge for people researching these subjects themselves. :) *

So when I consider all the things we do and the way we must be perceived, this topic probably tops my list of Crazy.

Pain in Childbearing

Giving birth is daunting.

"To the woman he said, 'I will surely multiply your pain in childbearing; in pain you shall bring forth children.'" {Genesis 3:16}

It was physically the most exhausting work I have ever endured. It was the most emotionally draining. It was the least pleasurable experience of my life. It was by far the most painful.

Yet here she is. "In pain you shall bring forth children." In pain you shall bring forth Raychel Joye. For all intents and purposes, God told me well ahead of time that the daughter I so desired would not come to be without suffering.

I suffered. She is worth it.

Community

 

"And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near." (Hebrews 10:24-25)

You can almost call "missional communities" a trend. It even made it to wikipedia. You can almost call it that, except that the connotation of a trend is something fleeting and superficial and from what I have seen these groups are anything but.

Folk Tales | Shaklee

*Folk Tale Disclaimer: These are simply the reasons we chose to do the things we do. We absolutely do not condemn any other parenting decisions as we fully respect that God put specific kids with specific parents and those parents are the only ones fully responsible for their children. These posts are merely meant to be a window into our lives for those who'd like to peer in and to offer some first hand knowledge for people researching these subjects themselves. :) *

I have a lot of memories of a baby monitor gently filling the room with familiar lullabies while Beth and I picked up blocks and knick knacks and wiped counters down with a particular earth-friendly cleaner. The bottle it came in is still comforting to me. :)

This post is about Shaklee because I have a certain fondness for their products as a result of the aforementioned retrospect. I was first introduced to it in the Ball household as a kid-safe, "green" cleaning agent. I always thought that when we had kids I would want to switch to something safer than the seriously toxic chemicals I used on a daily basis. {Killing my own brain cells is one thing...}

"Real Marriage: The Respectful Wife"

Copyright of Mars Hill Church, found at marshill.com

I just watched this really great sermon for wives about being respectful to their husbands. Even if you think you're doing alright, it's worth paying attention to (not really where I am, but you might be! lol). I have so much room to grow so it was especially convicting and encouraging to me; I ended up taking like a page and a half of notes! :)

So grab your bible and some paper! And if you want to start a discussion, comment on here!

I couldn't get it to post on my blog, but click here to watch it at marshill.com. :)

Why I'm Voting for Ron Paul

In 2007 Gabe was deployed to a war we were becoming less sure of and I was attending school in California. Every day I walked alone to and from my classes, digesting silently {well, mostly silently} what I was learning. One particular day I was heading back to my car and saw an elderly gentleman standing on a campus sidewalk with a stack of bright green fliers. In case you've forgotten, the 2008 election season started quite early {maybe because there could be no incumbent} and it was clear that the gentleman was peddling another R/D politician. As students passed he would enthusiastically offer a bit of green propaganda and every time he was either ignored or turned down. As I approached I saw this happen several times so that by the time I got to him my sympathies outweighed my ambivalence. I took one and {as I remember} asked him about this congressman just to make him feel like he wasn't wasting his time. I don't think I actually listened.

Folk Tales | Moby

*Folk Tale Disclaimer: These are simply the reasons we chose to do the things we do. We absolutely do not condemn any other parenting decisions as we fully respect that God put specific kids with specific parents and those parents are the only ones fully responsible for their children. These posts are merely meant to be a window into our lives for those who'd like to peer in and to offer some first hand knowledge for people researching these subjects themselves. :) *

Few things are quite so wonderful as your very own baby nuzzled up against you sleeping peacefully. Few things as lovely, few things as appreciated. The reason I absolutely love my Moby Wrap is that it provides a way for me to enjoy that while also doing life. And I don't just mean talking on the phone or doing make up. I have hiked, cleaned, traveled {by foot}, been to meetings... I do a lot with it. There are 2 downsides, though: it takes so stinkin' long to put on. And it has to touch the ground. So when RJ is a mess because she just wants to be held it's super annoying that I can't put it on quicker - or even hold her while I put it on. And when I'm out where the ground isn't clean enough I have to finagle it even more.

But it's a lifesaver. And once it's on, it's on. It is great on my back, soft and comfortable {no straps or clips} and the cotton is very breathable. Basically, I love the thing.

Folk Tales | Cloth Diapers

*Folk Tale Disclaimer: These are simply the reasons we chose to do the things we do. We absolutely do not condemn any other parenting decisions as we fully respect that God put specific kids with specific parents and those parents are the only ones fully responsible for their children. These posts are merely meant to be a window into our lives for those who'd like to peer in and to offer some first hand knowledge for people researching these subjects themselves. :) *

RJ's very 1st diaper. When the planning met reality. ;)

Like many of the things we do that land on the more... eccentric side of things, Gabe is the one who really came up with the idea of cloth diapering. We always liked the idea, but it wasn't until we were pregnant that we really started looking into it. It was completely overwhelming for the longest time and if you, dear reader, are considering it, let me just say: it is not as complicated as it seems to be.

Happy Valentine's Day!

For Valentine's Day RJ and I decided to make our special someones super awesome V-Day cards! And instead of a Farside cartoon or a political parody, we wanted our cards to have pictures that would mean something to the recipients.

{Enter: mini-photo-shoot!}

Why So Serious?

Okay, forgive the title. I... don't even remember what happens in The Dark Night {or Knight?}.


I do however wonder why the proverbial "we" still treat that hormonal dip after giving birth as a huge taboo. Women don't talk about it, but most of us experience at least mild depression. It happens. Let's be okay with that already!

I Can See Clearly Now

RJ as a newborn! She's always been the cutest baby!

If it hasn't become noticeable already, I love RJ. She makes life better in so many ways and I truly cannot imagine life without her anymore. :)

But I remember when that was not the case. I remember feeling numb, feeling scared, feeling like I wanted to run away. I remember not wanting to wake up, not wanting to nurse, not wanting to look at the baby that I couldn't connect to. I remember wishing I could feel so in love again and being absolutely horrified all the time because I did not believe I ever would.

Now, I bask.

One for the Book

The other night I had a very special dream. I dreamt of my beautiful little girl as a teenager. I'm not saying it's prophetic or anything, but I woke up feeling like I had gotten a glimpse of the future Raychel Joye and I felt so blessed the whole day. 

She was timid in a respectful way, not because she was scared. I was in a home talking business with a client and she quietly walked in after I sent someone to get her from the car. She had her hair down (it was straight, which is strange) and wore a modest outfit - a sweater and skirt. She didn't have any make-up on and my goodness... She was just gorgeous. Her skin was tan and smooth... I often call her "Honey Girl" because of her golden skin and she fit the description well.

Body Image

I stumbled across a support website about women's bodies recently. Along the same thread of thought that provoked my first post on beauty, I am inspired to think and write about how we view our bodies. Bear with me as I work through my thoughts with a keyboard.

The female body is sensual. God designed men to be inherently attracted to its curves and motion. There is decent reasoning behind some cultures' decision to cover their women up in loose-fitting garments and probably better reasoning behind the sex industry covering very little. Our creator knew what he was doing when he came up with the template for our bodies. They are meant to be enjoyed {within a marriage} for their aesthetic qualities.

A Double-Take

"Beauty is fleeting," they say. And to some extent that is true. People become less and less attractive as they age; liver spots, sagging skin, wiry gray hair, calluses... Not the most appealing things in the world. But on another level, truly beautiful people only shine brighter with age.

My mother was voted "class flirt" (sorry mom!). She was that girl in school; everybody loved her and she was pretty to boot. The kind of girl the rest of us think "not fair!" about. She is getting older, as is naturally expected, and some of the things that got her onto the most popular list back then are gone now. What remains, however, is her heart. She is generous, optimistic, compassionate, joyful and hard working. The things that make her a true beauty queen have become more enhanced since she was a girl. Now people call her beautiful all the time and while they are also complimenting her appearance they are mostly exalting her remarkable heart. 

Raychel Joye's Dedication

Emmaus Baby!

Last Sunday was Raychel's baby dedication. It's the first at Emmaus so I am kind of stoked that she is now the official Emmaus Baby. :P

For us, a dedication it is a public acknowledgment that our daughter is a gift. One which we fully intend on giving back to the Giver (i.e.: God). It's an act of consecration and solidarity. We know that we will fail in a million ways, but we commit to do our best to raise her up not only to know the Lord, but to follow Him.

From Black-and-White to Color

Gabe asked me today how it felt after Raychel was born to not have her in my tummy anymore. It was odd, but not in the way I thought it would be. It felt like my stomach wasn't mine. I had become so used to Baby Berry making it her home that I no longer thought of it as just "my" belly. When she was gone I remember not feeling confident that I could stand up straight or really do anything involving my abdominal muscles because I think I did not feel I had control over them anymore.

Anyway, I'm sure you really wanted to know all that. What it then brought me to was the pre-RJ mindset. Because we didn't know her gender I didn't feel like I fully "knew" her. Obviously I adored her, but she was still a huge mystery to me. I remember how I would wonder about her and how my imagination had to stop quite short of her full glory. I'm sure every mother feels this way, but it was made more so by the fact that I wasn't even sure what to call her.

6 Years Baby

May 2011

For our first wedding anniversary we visited "home" in California together. I got our rings engraved and we had a party where we ate the top of our cake. For our second he was deployed so we got all glammed up and spent it via webcam. Our third was spent in Salinas while we were staying with friends. He got me a leather purse and we went out to Monterey for dinner and a movie. For our fourth wedding anniversary Gabe came home for 3 weeks from Afghanistan and surprised me with a trip to San Francisco where we stayed at the Hyatt and went on a dinner cruise. A live band played our song on the boat for us. Last year for our fifth we went to our favorite little tea house in Carmel and spent the day strolling through the storybook town and relaxing on the beach.

This year, for our 6th wedding anniversary we stayed in and played with our daughter. We fed her her first "real" food, goofed around with her, watched TV... Then we went out and got a couple movies from Redbox, cinnamon buns from Safeway, and some chinese food and came back to the house. RJ was fussy so we spent a good amount of time listening to her crying and trying to soothe her. We finally put her to bed a little early because she was tired and then we ate, decorated her stocking while watching a movie, finished up some gift crafting/wrapping, and then cuddled while we watched the second movie. I fell asleep on him.

Can you guess which one is my favorite anniversary?

Pinterest

I have recently discovered (rather, could no longer avoid) Pinterest. If you have already joined you realize the great benefit and the serious problem this is. For one, it's totally wonderful to be able to organize all the crafts you'd like to make or photos you find inspiring or decorating ideas you think are copy-able. It's also pretty great that you can see what your friends are finding because it makes for this concentrated soup of creativity. But it's also highly addictive. And there is no way I am going to make every adorable project or fulfill all those dream decors in my one house.

If you haven't joined, you really should. It's amazing.

Late Night Check-in

It's those moments when you can't help but go into her room and stare in the darkness at her sleeping silhouette. The moments she is crying and the only thing she needs is to be in your arms. The moments you look at her from across the room and her face lights up. The ones in which the rest of the world seems like background noise to a song more beautiful than you imagined possible. It's those moments that make you appreciate what it took to get her here. The changes to your body, the fear you felt approaching labor, the excruciating pain, the (long for some) recovery, the terrifying mood swings, the exhaustion after everything... All of it necessary to bring that perfect little being into this world. This crazy, messed up, ugly world that is made a little less so by her presence.

I am stunned with how much I love her. She's changed me, but life goes on. Finances get tighter, relationships have their ups and downs, we learn more and more the areas we aren't fully trusting God with and yet, she's here. Her sweet smile greets me every morning like a honey coated reminder that we aren't forgotten. God is near, He loves, He is the God of provision, peace and grace. I don't deserve her. I don't deserve such a perfect child with eyes like the sun and hands that sweetly clasp my fingers. She is Grace personified. That God loved us enough to give her to us is a miracle, but the greater miracle is that he loved us enough to give us His son... That is a love I don't know that I can understand, but I am eternally grateful for it.

That is a good thought to go to sleep on... That my Father loves us all that much...

To My Daughter

Raychel Joye,

You have ruined me. From an eager mom-to-be with the sober knowledge that I couldn't know how much love I was capable of you have made a fool with a heart broken by the devastating joy you brought with your arrival. When you curl into my chest I feel love. When you scream in my ear I hear love. When I catch a glimpse of you my eyes are overwhelmed with love. It's radiant. You are radiant. I wake up every morning tired, but eager, anticipating the walk to your room where I find love personified. Nothing is the same.

You are growing so beautifully. You smile with your eyes and I see wisdom in you already. I can tell: you're a thinker. You make your father and I so... proud. The kind of pride that is humbling. I don't even want to know why God thought we were in any way worth giving such a perfect gift. He did it and we are exceedingly grateful. As you struggle through your milestones - discovering what frustration is while trying to roll and what pain is while teething - I pray you will never feel without hope. You are proof of it, my love. You are a reminder of the purest hope we have in Christ, a concentrated bit of Heaven. His grace is sufficient for you always and as you grow you will find that to be the deepest truth.

My time is taken up with you so this letter won't be long, but I want you and the whole world to know that you are my heart. Even better, you are the heart of myself, your daddy and our God, lovely in the truest sense of the word. We love you. We love you. We love you.

In all devotion,
Mommy

She popped the question!

The adorableness of my sister-in-law-to-be is too much!

Go here for full story. :)

Mama's Love

There really is an indescribable sort of love that is accessed when one becomes a parent. A friend asked me what it was like and all I could say is that it is just like romantic love except that it isn't reciprocated. It's much more sacrificial and in that way I think it is much closer to Christ's love. I have no doubt in my mind that I would do anything to keep RJ safe. Despite the fact that she never says "thank you" or tells me that she loves me or gives me hugs and kisses I adore her. I love her when she is screaming her head off while I scramble to make things better. I love her when she throws up on a new shirt of mine. I love her when she has sticky poo that gets all over the place. I love her when she is angry, sad, excited, scared, joyful or tired. I just... love her. Not because of anything that she has done, but because of who I am; I'm Raychel's Mommy. I love her. If no one else in the world did, I would. 

It's an example set by our own Father who loves us with sacrifice.While we were still sinners - while we were screaming our heads off and making a mess of things - Christ died for us (Romans 5:8). It doesn't get any more loving. It has nothing to do with what we do or who we are, but it has everything to do with who He is. He's our Father, our Creator. He's our lover and our truest friend.

I love Raychel with all of my heart, but my love is merely a faint shadow of the Real Thing. His is more patient, more forgiving, more intense, more pure. I could never compete with a love like that and I don't want to. I am glad to know that we are recipients of grace, heirs to a promise. Raychel will grow up learning what an undeserved gift it is to be loved by a perfect Prince.