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Wednesday, January 20, 2010

God's Charity Case

By Your Side by Tenth Avenue North:

"Why are you striving these days?
Why are you trying to earn grace?
Why are you crying?
Let me lift up your face.
Just don't turn away.

Why are you looking for love?
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough?
To where will you go child?
Tell me where will you run?
To where will you run?

'Cos I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall.
In the dead of night,
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you.
My hands are holding you.

Look at these hands and my side.
They swallowed the grave on that night.
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life.
I want to give you life.

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall.
In the dead of night,
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you.
My hands are holding you.

Cause I, I love you,
I want you to know
That I, I love you.
I'll never let you go."

I'm always amazed at how God brings me back to him. Whether by a grand display of His awesome power, or a quiet whisper to my writhing spirit, He always gets his point across: "I love you." Such a paradox that love is. One so simple and untainted, yet so incredibly intricate. He leaves me feeling so small and insignificant, yet divinely important at the same time. I feel often like Hosea's wife: an adulterer against the sweet companion who gives me everything I have ("the grain, the new wine, the olive oil; I even gave her silver and gold, but she gave all my gifts to Baal"). I constantly deny time with my Provider, my Love, for no other reason than my selfish desires. I believe though I know better that my time is better spent with other lovers. I am callously surprised when my Husband takes away those I have betrayed Him for and still more stunned when He turns in His passion and offers me the marriage of my youth. When He offers me the gentle love and close friendship I experienced when my own passion for Him was new and unburdened. Surprised when He fights for me though He told me long ago that He would do anything to keep me. I am such a severe work in progress. When I step back and consider myself objectively I am convinced that I am not worth the work He puts into me. But He never gives up. When I am at my worst, there is that soft reminder of a steadfast devotion.... God doesn't love me because of anything I have done or any special quality I possess. He loves me because He loves. Real love isn't dependent on the person being loved. Real love is inherently unconditional and noncondemning so in order for God to love at all, He must love even the parts of me that are to anyone else unlovable. It's complete and it's overwhelming.

(Hosea 2-3)

From the Steinbeck Center