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Sunday, July 22, 2007

Save Yourself, Private Ryan

So I showed Kaleb the video from Memorial Day that I posted in my blog. Watching it, I got emotional (of course, in my situation I'd be heartless not to). After it was over, I went in the bathroom to have a little cry and thank God for the people willing to sacrafice - the warriors and the warriors' families. And it occured to me, it is our responsibility to live up to that sacrafice.

Have you ever seen Saving Private Ryan? If you haven't, there is this scene in which Tom Hanks' character is telling Pvt Ryan that he is alive because good men died. He tells him that he had better live up to that. He had better do something with his life and cherish it to the highest degree because it is worth something. Pvt Ryan's life had blood on it. It had the sacrafice of men who didn't even know him on it. His life wasn't just his, it was the men who risked their own lives, too.

My point is that we, America, are Pvt Ryan. We're the ones with blood on our lives. We have the tears and the pain of the families left behind on us. We are here and we are free only because others died for us. We owe it to them to live with a purpose. We have a responsibility and an obligation to be good people. To love well and unselfishly, to lend a hand to people who need some help, to offer encouragement and support to the ones who are making quiet sacrafices at home with their husband, wife, son, daughter, best friend gone to war. Our lives are not ours only. We are here with great, great price.

Jesus Christ died on the cross for your sin. He made the ultimate sacrafice so that you could be free from seperation from God and from sin and guilt (and HE did it knowing all the things you would do. Knowing what kind of person you'd be). Don't forget that. And don't forget that many others throughout this country's history have made the greatest sacrafice they could for you. Stop being selfish. Stop making your problems so big. Get out of the mindset that it's all about you, because it's not. It's about striving to be worthy of those sacrafices.

What are you doing, Pvt Ryan? Are you worth the lives you cost?

Sunday, July 15, 2007

The Condition of My Condition

My house is empty (THANK YOU, GOD!!), I have a good week to clean it, and my husband and I will be together in THREE WEEKS!!!!!

It has been so stressful. I thought it was never going to get done! Well, I knew that God would provide, as He always does, but I was sure frustrated! I wish I could say that I have handled all of this in the best way possible, that I've been the woman I should be through everything... but it's not true. I've wept, I've been scared, I've complained, I've gotten down... I want to be strong. I want to be the strong woman that Gabe wants me to be. The woman God calls me to be.

I wish that once we got saved everything was totally filtered and we never dealt with the old man again. That Satan would be instantly defeated in every one of his endeavors and we couldn't mess anything up no matter what was going on. I wish that every bad thought, word, and action was eradicated. I wish that we instantly became the person God wanted us to be. This, however, would serve no purpose... for what would we be if we were perfect? What experience would we have to relate to other people? What testimony of grace would we have? Without my trials and my failures, I'd have no reason to care so deeply about God. Sure, I'd love Him. Of course I'd spend time with Him. But I wouldn't have to seek Him. I think that to God, it is unmatchingly precious when His children run to Him in their darkest hour. When I cry out for my Father, I think His heart smiles. When I recognize that He's the only One who can totally fulfill my needs, I think He is blessed.

Sometimes I feel like God isn't there, like He doesn't care about my situation, like He isn't catching my tears. But I know this is all lies. My God cares about me. Look at my life: I am married to a godly man who is the most tangible display of God's love I will ever know, I have been blessed with a few friends who love the Lord and who He uses to lift me up, my needs are always taken care of... My life has always been blessed. My relationship with Gabe and our marriage has been blessed from day one. And despite the friends that didn't turn out to really be friends, I have always had someone to relate to, talk to, accept me (and now, with Gabe, I have a forever Best Friend. Someone who will never ever judge me or leave me). Despite my husband being deployed, our love and our relationship is still growing and we still go to each other with everything even when it's hard to be able to talk. I love him!
See how good my God is? See how He blesses me? Even in times of hardship; times when I feel so alone, times when no one seems to care, times when I feel down and deeply stressed, times when I am depressed; even in these times, God is here. God cares. God provides.

Oh, Wonderful God, how I want to please You and bring You blessings...

I will try, as I have been trying since the start, to be strong. I will try to rely on God to bring me strength and joy. I will try to show the whole world that my God is truly the Great Provider, the real Joy-Giver. I will keep trying... and when I stumble, please don't judge me. When I scrape that spiritual knee, please offer me a band-aid. I'm not perfect and I've never claimed to be. So if you think about it, pray for me. If you remember, encourage me. If you'd like to, give me a call. I want to be a prayer warrior, an encourager, and a friend to everyone else.... So I will keep trying. :-)

Sunday, July 8, 2007

I miss my person

So it's taken me a while to write this blog because it stinks and I don't like thinking about it, but I want to share.

My person left. I don't know exactly how to explain what she means to me, but it's a lot. It was like having another husband - obviously Gabe is irreplaceable, but for about a month I had somebody to do everything with and talk about my day with. I had somebody to listen to me and goof off with me and just hang out... I didn't completely realize what a difference it is to have someone just be around the house with me. Not just someone to talk with or help do things, but someone to simply offer a prescence. It was so comforting to know that I wasn't alone in the house. It is amazing what social beings we are.

Coming home after dropping Beth off was like a watered down version of coming home after Gabe deployed. I felt so alone and the house was so eerily empty. I was exhausted and emotionally drained. All I could do was mope and cry. Just like Gabe leaving... this is so hard! And I know that God is with me and I know that I am never alone. But God made me a social creature and I desire that companionship. My husband, the companion God has provided me, is gone now and even though he is the sweetest man on the planet and talking to him makes me feel better in that moment, I need a tangible prescence. I am struggling to be OK as I'm lonely. God is good and He's more than enough for my needs...

Those needs including getting packed, moved, everything fixed and everything cleaned before clearing housing so I can leave. Plus I have things with school I need to take care of... I have so much to do. I wanted to try and get a plane ticket for my mom but I can't afford it and I honestly have no idea who is going to help me... my friends have work and my church hasn't been the most reliable. But I suppose that this experience will give me some great tools for the future and will build strength.

Gabriel is so wonderful. He wishes so badly that he could be here to do everything himself instead of me having to do it. He is so understanding and sweet. He told me to take heart because soon I'll be with him and he'll treat me like a queen and dote on me and make me forget that I have to do everything on my own... I love him. I don't expect to be served while I just sit there and do nothing, of course. But it is so sweet of him to remind me that I have a husband who really does see me as his beautiful queen (to his king, of course, not servant) and wants to pamper me... I love that I have someone who wants to take care of me even if he physically can't. And more than just, "I wish I could be there." He really means it. He really does appreciate that it is tough out here and he really does want to make it all go away for me. I am so blessed to have married a man who loves me this much. And to have a soldier who doesn't discount what I'm going through over here even with all he goes through over there. He is patient with me and he reminds me gently that we are here for each other, we are a team... we are "thick as thieves, baby." Oh I love him!

I will get through this trial. I will find out that I'm stronger than I thought (with God, of course, everything is bearable). I will see who cares and I will learn lessons that will be worth everything. As for the lessons I have learned, they'll be tweaked as I'll be tweaked to be more aligned with God's heart.

Beth, if you're reading this, I love you. And I miss you.

Thursday, July 5, 2007

How to Spot Us

I found this on a Military Wife forum and I thought I'd share. Of course, it wouldn't be a Krysann Blog without my input so I added some. :-)

How to identify a military wife:

1. We own at least one article of clothing with our man's branch on it and we proudly wear it at least once a week!
For me it's a necklace with the patron saint of paratroopers on it (you don't have to be catholic!).

2. Our AOL/YAHOO/MSN/MYSPACE etc. Profiles have something to do with the military or song lyrics in them!
SoldiersGirl312 haha

3. We know what the terms AIT, PCS, Field Day, and PT mean and have no trouble using them on a daily basis.
Yeah... lol Talking to my civilian friends and family is funny sometimes.

4. We know the difference between Recruit, Enlisted, Officer, and we know the rank structure like that back of our hand.
Well... I don't know the rank structure that well, but I know Gabe has a lot of bosses. lol

5. We feel every note of the songs, "I'm already there" "When I'm Gone" "Here Without You" "Far Away" "Proud to Be An American" and "The National Anthem."
Yeah... It's ok, though.

6. We watch the News and cry hysterically for fallen Marines, Soldiers, Airmen, and Sailors, and no one seems to understand why.
I think people understand why, just not really the depth of why we're crying.

7. We just cry....... and cry......... and cry....... and cry for no reason at all and we are ok with it! Well, at least I'm not the only one. And I don't think, as some do, that crying means you're weak. A strong, strong person still feels pain and fear.... they wouldn't be strong if it were easy.

8. We have at least one but probably more family member that doesn't approve or doesn't understand our long distance relationship.
Yes. Mostly for me it's just that people don't get the seperation.

9. At the ages of 17-21 we don't mind sayin' yes to a marriage proposal! Yep!
And we can take the critism - especially when we know God is blessing it. Though not all military couples are in that place. :-(

10. Everytime there is a bulletin on Myspace about the Military we repost it.
Usually. Though there aren't many.

11. We smile when we see a serviceman wearing their uniform in public.
It reminds me of my soldier! And when I see Gabe in his uniform... aw, my heart smiles!

12. We get teary eyed when The Star Spangled Banner is sung at sporting events and watching the flag blow in the wind.
Sometimes. I can't help it. That's the Spirit my husband is defending.

13. We get pissed off when people don't remove their hats to show respect when The Star Spangled Banner is being sung.
This is true, but I've always been that way. My dad was that way and it made me have respect for the Pledge and the Flag.

14. We understand military time and we use it on a regular basis!
On the contrary, most military wives HATE using military time because it reminds them that the Army controls every aspect of their life. :-) So we usually just use civvie time.

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

Happy Fourth

I think that the Fourth of July may be my favorite holiday because it is almost purely just a celebration. Christmas is wonderful, but if you just celebrate and forget about Jesus, you're not doing it right. Thanksgiving is probably my next favorite, but if you only enjoy time with family and the big feast, you're missing the point... the fact that there is a point seperates it from Independence Day. On the 4th of July you aren't expected to remember anything. You don't have to check yourself during the festivities to be sure you're not taking advantage of something.

I love the 4th. All you have to know is that it's America's Birthday. By decorating everything in flag colors, setting off fire works, barbequing with your family and taking the day off work you're celebrating that. The very nature of the holiday is celebration and victory. No prayer vigils or moments of silence. No rushing your "thank you's" to God for every little thing you can think of to make Him happy. No church services that you're anxious to get out of... just a celebrating.
I love that you really can't do the 4th wrong. That's what I love about it. I love that if you went to your buddy's house and ate his BBQ you'd be having just as great a holiday as if you went to a formal dinner with red, white and blue decor. I love that everybody watches fireworks (almost everybody) or hears them... Like the whole country lighting candles on a collossal cake. Happy Birthday, America!

In any case, I spent this fourth working at the gym, running errands around town, and screaming in fear of sparklers. I can hear the fireworks... I just can't see them. And poor Sam is scared to death. But, like Gabe said, the 4th of August will be awesome! And right he is!