Truthfully, we have wanted this. We'd resolved to "trust God" while Gabe was still overseas which was pretty easy to talk about it when our only intimacy was a kiss blown from 7,000 miles away. When he got home we had to put it into action and it wasn't the easiest thing in the world at first. We were nervous/scared/excited every month at the possibility of being pregnant. We prayed for God's timing, His blessing and for our little-one-to-be. It's amazing how God changes hearts... It's been at least a 2 year process (okay, maybe more like a seven year process), but we finally reached a point where we thought, together, "Yeah... We want to be parents... Now." It went from "N-O! And stop asking!" to "Someday, but not for a while," to "We won't be disappointed," to "We'll see what happens," to "Oh, God, please let this be our time!"
It is still so early in the pregnancy that I am insecure about the thought of having a child - will he make it through the delicate and dangerous conditions of the first trimester? Am I imagining everything? Could I really be growing a human in there?? Again.... Trusting God... I love that He gives us 9 (really 10) months of what-if's and excitement and fear and dreaming. So very "God" of Him. Make us sweat, but make it beautiful at the same time.
My Person, Beth, is also pregnant (total coincidence, one we're thrilled over!) and when she announced it to me via Skype she said, "I just feel so grateful that God is entrusting me with this baby." So profound. We took our tests hours later (although, we already knew) and that is the exact sentiment I felt: honored. I get to be the protector of God's precious, known little child. I get to be woven into his life, watch him grow and learn and fail and I get to be the one God uses to help him through all that. I get to carry him for 9 months and make sure he gets the right fuel and the best conditions to develop well and start his life out right. Gabe and I get to be this kid's first glimpses of Jesus as we try to live out His love. I feel relieved that God thinks I can do this (though He's probably banking on Gabe to pick up the slack).
Telling my family and friends has been wonderful (I'm especially excited for Uncle Kaleb). My Gramdaddy's reaction to his first Great-Grandbaby was exclamations of "Oh, come on!" and his delight just melted my heart. My Mom and Grandma squealed and their jaws dropped when I told them via Skype and my Dad was speechless. Vickie was over the moon. Beth, of course, could not stop beaming. Nicole called and was nearly crying with excitement. I am loving sharing our joy with all of our loved ones. It makes me a little nervous because I don't want anything to go wrong since I'm still so early, but again.... Trusting God.... I never said it was easy. There was no way we could have contained this news. No way on earth.
Despite my concern, I am completely and utterly ecstatic. I cannot think of an adjective to describe the sheer joy that has permeated our home. Even Samson seems to have noticed a change and has been especially attached and cuddly. We are an excited bunch these days. I have started reading my first pregnancy book ("You: Having a Baby" by Dr. Oz) and I've gotten some prenatal vitamins to last me until I can talk to my doctor. Gabe is very sweetly and attentively taking care of us, letting me stay in when I'm too exhausted to move, getting me water even when I don't ask for it, making sure I have food. It has not at all sunk in, but we are going through the motions and trying to believe that we aren't just dreaming. With God's blessing, in 9 months we'll be meeting the newest Sedberry, marveling at His work and wondering how we will get any sleep.