Yep! We're pregnant! Well.... technically I'm pregnant. And we could not be more excited! We have been waiting and hoping and praying for another little love to join our family and we are so grateful that God chose to give us another this way.
One incredible thing about this pregnancy is how I believe God prepared my heart almost the opposite way he did for RJ. Before Raychel was born I needed to get amped up! The preceding year was full of growing and stretching and relenting to a spirit of motherhood that was awakening in me. Our hearts had to be readied for the next phase in life (especially since we had hardened them). But this time I was more than ready to get pregnant. Now that I know the joy of being a mom I can't imagine not having more children - and lots!
Because I've been nursing RJ her whole life I couldn't get pregnant until just a couple months ago. When I could it was all I thought about. Even when I was doing other things, I was constantly hoping I was carrying our next baby. Outwardly, for the most part, I played it cool, but inwardly I was a bundle of anticipation!
And there is nothing wrong with the excitement of a growing life. The problem was that I was starting to put too much weight on being pregnant. I was starting to believe that I needed another baby to be happy. By God's grace I saw this idea forming and with His help put it out of my mind. I resolved to not play into the hype of getting pregnant and to enjoy RJ in this unique time in which she is the only child. While I was doing this, God gave me the very thing I had to give up... Because He's God and He does things like that. Die to live, remember?
So Gabe and I were sitting in the living room one day before one of his classes and I casually mentioned getting a test so I could use it whenever I needed to. He asked me when I was due and it wasn't until I checked the calendar on my phone that I realized I was already 3 days late! Praise the Lord!! Normally I would have been anxiously oblivious to the world around me while I stared at my calendar hoping time would speed up so I could take a test. This time it was literally, "Oh! I guess we really need to get one, then!" So I ran out and got it and we saw the positive result together in the 10 minutes we had before Gabe had to go.
We danced. We jumped. We laughed. All 3 of us. And we may have gotten a little teary eyed.
None of the excitement was missing, but the blinding anticipation was. And the contentedness has stayed. I am very, very excited to meet this new little being, but I am not feeling an urge to rush through this pregnancy. With God's help, I will continue to soak up this sweet time with my daughter and our family the way it is. We are going to love this baby insanely and all 3 of us will be changed by him, but we are going to bring him into a family that appreciates what we have when we have it.
We love you so much, little one! We cannot wait to meet you! You have an incredible Poppa and the perfect big sister to come home to! And of course you have me, your Momma. But you'll get to know me pretty well over the next couple months. Oh, I cannot wait to have you earthside! Stay safe, little 'berry!