Our Hot Date

Gabe and I haven't had a real date in a very, very long time so he took me out to dinner and a movie! We saw "The Family That Preys" by the way and it was terrific. Gabe said it was Tyler Perry's best - and we love Tyler Perry. :-) Anyway, here are some pictures!

Awww... My Stud!

Cheesy.

Kisses for my hubby!

I love him so much... And he lets me bug him when he's getting ready. hehe

His Margarita - yuck! :-P

He was telling a story which he thought was just absolutely hilarious.... He's adorable.

My leftovers. It wouldn't be a date if I didn't have leftovers.

Waiting for our movie to start....

My turn!

Almost 3 years and going strong! I am truly the most blessed woman on the planet. Gabriel is awesome!

Auntie K, Uncle Gabe... and Cousin Sam!

So yesterday I got a notice from the management office about something that had happened on the property of our apartment complex.... anyway, I was quite shaken and so my dear Person, Beth came and picked me and Sammy up. Winston, the Balls' little daschund mix, is Sam's boyfriend so it was nice for them to have time together. It was a lot of fun hanging out at their place with the Beast and so I took pictures! Ayden doesn't get to see Samson nearly enough. :-)

Beth loving on Samson and Winston trying to get in on the action.

Me with my baby and Winston the tooth-cleaner...

Ayden stacked blocks on him and Samson just layed there.... I think he'll be good with kids afterall.

Auntie K trying to make Ayden take a picture...

Just happened to take a picture at the right moment! The BEAST! And of course.... Winston licking his teeth....

My good old fashioned loverboy.

Ayden playing/eating under Sam's watchful.... ears.

Kissing my awesome dog.

Levi got attached to Samson, too.

Our Walk....

Ayden needed to sleep....

Our studmuffins walking our animals. Or is it the other way around? :-P

The little mini-toad! It peed on Gabe.

I'll miss you, North Carolina.

It's beginning to look a lot like Autumn...

Yesterday was the first day that it felt like fall here in North Carolina. I was quite surprised as I walked out my front door and felt a chill rather than the dense humidity which regularly characterizes a rainy day here. Gabe was at work and all I had to do was clean the house so I opened a few windows (though not too much because the Beast likes to jump through them and break screens... I have become an expert screen-maker. I really could charge people for it and make a living) to hear the rain play with the roof and the drains. It seemed to be in a jovial mood yesterday... So I had that melody and I coupled it with the classical station which comes in just as clear as can be in the house - it was a really marvelous few hours! I couldn't be more content - unless of course Gabe were home to enjoy it with me. Samson and I went about our business calmly and happily. What a wonderful day!

To mark the first real day of Autumn (in my mind that is - I'm not sure when it starts on the calendar) I took a few pictures. They are of the forest which I see everyday out all but one window. I love living here so much. I'll miss my friendly forest.

An Average Day for Me

So you've probably gathered that we're pretty close to the Balls. Here are a few videos of the dude I took the other day. And a few pictures I took because I felt like it. An average day for me. :-)






Ok, this next one may seem kind of mean, but he was in one of those moods where every little thing made him angry so the only thing we could really do was laugh. He was teething so it was a rough day.

Getting Out

Alright, so a while ago, before Gabe came home, I wrote a list of some things I was looking forward to with his return. I love making lists. In fact, if I could be a professional list-maker, I would definitely do it 40 hours a week. Now that he is home and we are anticipating his separation from the Army, I am thinking of the things I will be glad to say goodbye to. Some people love the military life and that's fine for them, but Gabe and I were definitely not meant to live this life until retirement. So there are aspects of it that we will say "Good Riddance" to (and a few we will miss).

I will be glad to say goodbye to...

...14 hour work days in which my husband does nothing even remotely related to his MOS.
...field training.
...mandatory fun days.
...smelly ACUs.
...CQ.
...getting calls at 3am because some idiot soldier got a DUI and his entire company has to go in and get smoked (which I can assure you is not just a stern lecture - I don't know what all they do, but I saw them carry logs).
...having large sums of money missing from random paychecks because the Army "made a small mistake" that leaves us with $100 for 2 weeks.
...being teased with a 4-day only to have it taken away.
...having to get permission to go out of town on the weekend.
...having to miss out on get-togethers with family or friends because the Army won't give us leave.
...being owned by the government (or, at least, being married to government property).
...saying hello and goodbye to so many friends because of frequent moves.
...being labeled "Anti-American" simply because we disagree with things the Army and government is doing; as if a soldier is allowed no moral stand on what he sees.
...deployments, of course.

I'll be sad to say goodbye to...

...Gabe's uniform - he looks good.
...marriage retreats every year paid for by the Army.
...the people we are going to have to leave. I'll miss them most of all.

Outside of the Army, there are many things we'll be sad to leave and many things we'll be glad to leave... We've made a home here and it will be very odd to go back to California. But we're excited for it. Soon we'll get a date... God has taken us this far and we know He'll deliver. I'm getting anxious, but I know that He's got a plan and that we just have to trust Him. Jehovah-jireh!

It's Patriot Day...

...which really means it's the day that radically changed our country seven years ago. And thousands of innocent Americans who, as normal working people that day, had nothing to do with the government or world politics or anything religious lost their lives. We all remember where we were when we heard the news and we all remember how scary and chaotic things were those first few days. Now I don't know why they call it Patriot Day, but to me it reflects how unified we became because of 9/11. And it had nothing to do with our political parties or our thoughts on gay marriage or the economy. For a few months everybody let go of the animosity and just helped each other sort through the tragedy. If you are too young to really remember how things were, I'm sorry.... it was really beautiful. "Patriotism" didn't mean agreeing with the president as it seems to mean today. It meant loving your country and its people and being supportive of your fellow citizens who had been directly affected by the attacks. I wish we could go back to that simpler time. I wish we could remember how to see past party lines and opinions on policy. It's so cliche I know, but I really wish we could remember how to love each other even if we disagree.

Today is a very painful day for a lot of families who lost their loved ones on September 11, 2001. I pray that God brings them peace and comfort today and every day...

Thunderstorms

As I lay here in bed at 6:45 AM, with Samson the beast crowding up the bed in the most inconvenient way possible, I am also silently lamenting the upcoming loss of the thunderstorms of the south - like this one which caused my dog to wake me up an hour ago by jumping on the bed and uncharacteristically snuggling very close to me in fear. There were some pretty big booms - one that even made me jump as it was accomponied by a lightening strike and also reset the power in the house.... must have been right on top of us.

Samson will be glad to be rid of these common storms, but they will be sorely missed by his mom. I hate the muggy-ness (which is basically when the humidity gets severe enough to inhibit your breathing) that usually follows or precedes a storm here, but I absolutely love the rain and the lightening and the thunder! In California we get fun storms, but not nearly as often. The storms we have are almost always in the winter when it's cold - which I really enjoy. Because of that I've disregarded the actual weather and tried turning on the heater during a storm - even if it's already 88 degrees outside. Gabe said he's felt that compulsion as well (only I guess he's not as impractical as I am). It will be so nice to have those fall/winter storms that last all day long and make hot chocolate taste even better.

Also, Hanna did hit NC, but it really didn't affect us very much at all - Gabe and I have both driven through worse storms even in CA. So no worries there. :-)

Now I am going to get back to the intrigue and conspiracy of THE MOLE on abc.com. (http://ll.static.abc.go.com/streaming/move/00090000/static.html?aff=wtvd&affTo=wtvd&useexternal=0&channelid=111624&episodeid=125249&partner=&campaign=&wrapped=1&affFrom=abc&affLost=wtvd&dmarank=28&dmazip=23915)

Summer Lovin'

What kind of "keep you up to date with us" blog would this be if there were no summer pictures?

We miss you, Zettermans.

At Myrtle Beach - our beloved Rainbow Sandals :-)

Levi got home so finally we are all together!!

Summer isn't summer if Gabe doesn't put a beer in a Chicken's butt.

At the House of Blues Murder Mystery Dinner Theater - my second Super Sleuth Award (which is a mug filled with candy). Yay!

My stud.

The big crowd at the beach because there was a little shark.

The silly Smedburgs in their snorkel gear. We love you guys!

Yay for summer!!

Movin' on Up

I am so excited for the move!! I can't wait to do so many things!! A lot of those things include the Balls since they will be in my beautiful homeland and I am so anxious to show them everything I love about it. And I'm so excited to see old friends again. I can't wait to go down to San Diego and see Amanda and Gabe (her Gabe - yes, we both have Gabes) and do all the things we have always talked about doing (and since she always says how wonderful SD is, that will most definitely include the beach which I have never been to in SoCal - so I'm excited for new things too, I guess! lol). And I can't wait to sing with Nicole and Ashawnae until 3 in the morning again. Or go shopping in a REAL mall with my mom. Or surf with my dad. There are just about a million things I am just itching to do!

And I am learning a lot about the moving process. As you know, I have driven across the country (with my awesome brother Kaleb - whom I especially can't wait to hang out with) twice. However, we never actually moved much. Just a TV and some clothes, really. And all we really had to worry about was trying to see through the rear window with stacks of luggage and a smelly beast obstructing the view (I mean Sam, not Kaleb in case you are familiar with K's "after football" aroma which he generally seems very comfortable with). This time we are moving EVERYTHING we own! Levi found out that Penske (for inquiring minds) has the best prices so we are going to use them. I learned about diesel and how 8 mpg is actually a lot (go figure) for a 22' truck. I am learning about the Army's policies on moves and... well, it's going to be an awesome adventure!

I budgeted everything this morning and guess what: I can have my Starbucks! For those of you without the addiction to - er, I mean.... appreciation for the necessary and lovely drink from above which we call "coffee," let me tell you that if I am expected to spend 8 days in the cab of a moving truck with a smelly beast (Sam, not Gabe) and no reclining seat, I WILL have my coffee. Or I will bite my husband's head off and then where will I be? Probably in Georgia because I would only make it that far. So I budgeted for Starbucks. It will save my sanity and Gabe's life. And then he can go on thinking I am the angel that I appear to be when I am happily filled with caffeine.

I also budgeted for hotels though I'm not sure if we are going to use them - I stupidly agreed that I would try sleeping in the car to save money.... Why did I do that? Anyway, we'll see how that goes. I think we are going to try it out before we leave to see how it works and whether or not I can handle it. Gabe could handle it - he could sleep under water if he really had to. I on the other hand cannot even sleep on our double carpeted living room floor without waking up 20 times in the night with back pain. But if it does work it will save us a little money and while we are jobless that is very important.

No official date yet, but we are trusting God and preparing for rain. CA or Bust!

My projected home for a week..... woo-boy.

Loving the New Normal

Ah, what a wonderful life we lead! This whole transition from "deployment mode" to.... whatever you call this. It certainly isn't what it was before the deployment; we really had to start from scratch when he got back. It was messy and confusing.... we had both changed and adapted to the pseudo-marriage we were a part of for so long. We had to re-learn each other and get back to our foundation - thank the Lord that He is our Rock, our foundation and that He provides the ultimate "couples counseling." :-D He's continuing to bless us. We prayed that He would strengthen us and bring us closer to Him and to one another and He is! God answers prayer - don't let anybody tell you different.

So the news is that we are moving to California - as far as we know. Gabe is looking to get out of the Army within the next few weeks and unless we see a burning bush or something we are heading West! The ironic part is that I finally decided I didn't hate North Carolina. But it will be so wonderful to be back in paradise. Gabe is applying to law enforcement agencies throughout CA but we're hoping he works in Monterey County. And the most awesome part about it is that our dear friends the Balls are moving out there, too (Levi is getting out of the Army in October). Beth and I really became family during the deployment and our men have quickly become friends as well - we even had a "family meeting" about what we were all planning on doing post-Army and after that God made it abundantly clear to them that they are going to California! It has been so awesome to see things come together. I am growing increasingly excited about the move. God has taken me from a place of fear and anxiety to joy and excitement - Gabe and I for the first time since this was all talked about are on the same page with regards to our civilian life and it is all because we serve Jehovah.

I'll write more later - we are headed out to blockbuster. :-)

Out of our Nightminds

This is kind of an older post, I wrote it on July 17, 2008 but I didn't post it on here. :-) So here it is.

So my person's husband, Levi, is back from his 13 month deployment to Iraq. He's home. It's over. Through heart wrenching goodbyes, frustrating phone dates, sleepless nights Beth has been strong and been an absolutely incredible mother. She has done something that many women cannot do. She not only stayed faithful to her husband, but she constantly and increasingly adored him, all the while raising their young son.

Today I had a few beautifully surreal moments. I was doing something on my computer with some pictures and I saw my "Homecoming" folder from when Gabe came home in March. And at the same moment I saw the "Levi Homecoming" folder from Tuesday when he came home. My heart warmed seeing both titles. It may seem odd, but "deployment" for me did not fully end until Levi came home to Beth. I didn't realize that until Tuesday. For Beth and I the past 18 months or so have been a journey that we've shared. Before Levi left for Iraq she was taking care of me: hanging out in all her pregnant-ness, cooking for me when I was too depressed to eat, arranging for my lawn to be mowed or my weeds to be pulled... She saw my heart break over and over. I can't imagine what it must have been like to be in her position: seeing your near future right before you. But she was such a good friend to me. She was the only one who really knew the depth of my struggles and she was never too far from me. Her deployment didn't start in June. Her deployment started the hour she decided to befriend me. And my deployment ended Tuesday. So I can't really seperate the two. It was our deployment.

I made some hot dogs on the George Foreman grill for lunch while Gabe was at work today. At the house in Raeford I used to make hot dogs every day because they were easy and they tasted good. When I smelled them cooking I was back in that house. I was all alone, my husband at war, my TV making noise and my person just down the street. I felt, in that moment, young and unsure. I realized that I've grown so much this past year and a half. I've developed a new understanding of love, faith and family. And the road was so wonderful and messy... I wouldn't trade it for anything. It's not easy to say goodbye to any era in your life; even the ones that sting and burn. I'm glad that it is all finally over, but it is just a little bittersweet.

Beth experienced, as I experience sometimes, the unreasonable anxiety that comes over you without warning when you find yourself suddenly whole again. The demon that tells you he isn't really here or that he is leaving you. But that just isn't true now is it? For once we can say that the war doesn't get to have them. We get to keep our hearts inside us and tell the Army to leave us alone. Well done, Person. We made it. And we'll keep "making it" even when it gets hard and we feel unsure. Even when we smell hot dogs and find fear of being left behind.

Well done to any wife of a soldier who has come out the other end of a deployment with her integrity. Something has been accomplished here that goes beyond missions and wars. And for you whose love is still away or close to leaving, you're going to be just fine.

God is so good. All the time.

The Apartment!

That door you see is a closet directly facing the front door. So the picture was taken from the couch. :-)

Our big comfy couch!! And pictures of people we love.

There is our lovely living room and our little breakfast bar.

The dining room. And Sam on the floor as usual.

Le Cafe d'Amour! Complete with celebrity couples' autographed portraits! Desi and Lucy, Doris and Rock, Fred and Ginger.... to name a few. ;-)

My "princess bed" as my friend's 4 year old called it.

The big window Sam likes to look out..

Still in the Master, that is the vanity, facing the double door closet. Further back is the bathroom. And the little door is for my shoes! :-D

It's Official

So I haven't written in a while, but I think today is sort of important. Today means that an entire year has gone by since Gabe left for Afghanistan. One year ago I may have gotten a little sleep and I woke up thinking that he was in bed with me. This morning I knew he wasn't but still wished he was. A year ago I sobbed and sobbed all day and all night so much that my body hurt. Today a few tears may visit me, but it will be normal for me to smile and laugh. A year ago I couldn't eat anything. Now I probably eat

More Than Survival

This is an essay I wrote for my English class. I think it could be helpful....

When a soldier leaves for war, his mind is filled with the stories he has heard from his contemporaries, images he may have seen on a previous tour that still haunt him, perhaps thoughts of how long until he will see his home again. When a married soldier leaves for war he is thinking about the wife he is saying goodbye to, making sure that he has left everything in order so that she will be able to take care of things, and hoping the days go by quickly until he is back in her arms (if he loves his wife of course). Deployments are difficult. Once that soldier is on the bus it's done. There is no more preparation, no more tearful hugs, no more memories to make. Now it is about survival; for both the soldier and his wife. I can only speak from the latter end since I have never been deployed to Afghanistan. Though it may seem incredibly difficult, deployments are completely endurable. With thorough preparation, appropriate mourning, a daily routine and a positive attitude, you will not only get through the difficult task of being a deployed soldier's wife, you will be better for it.

Before your husband leaves, it is vital to make sure that your affairs are in order. Be sure to attend every Family Readiness Group (FRG) meeting. It is usually mandatory for the soldier to go, but it is more important that you are there. They will give you all the information you need and introduce you to the other wives of your husband's unit. It is also important to come up with a financial plan for deployment. You will need to take care of bills while he is overseas so come up with a way to lay it all out so that you are not even more stressed once he's gone. My husband came up with a chart on Excel which shows me each bill, the date it is due, the amount that is due, the contact information for each company, and all the passwords or usernames on the account. It has really saved us!

Once you have dealt with the logistical things you need to move on to the more poignant matters. Get his Power of Attorney and be sure to get special power of attorneys as well for specific things (like the car or housing issues). Probably the most emotionally stressful thing you do before deployment is get his Last Will and Testament made up. When my husband brought his home and showed it to me I started crying at the very thought of needing to pull this out, but it was necessary. You cannot forget that these men and women are not just going on vacation. After you have gotten everything arranged you are ready, at least practically, to send him to war.

When you are standing at the battalion area, where your husband has just had his final formation (after they have already had 3 "final" formations before this one where all the soldiers scrambled into lines only to be dismissed for another torturous goodbye) and is passing you in a sea of his comrades, you feel as though the entire world has been roughly plopped on your weak little shoulders. Suddenly this horrible event you and your partner have been talking about for the last 4 months is here. This ugly monster has arrived and gobbled up your happy life. Now you are standing alone in the dark without any comforting words in your ear and without a hand to cling to. If you are lucky enough, you will have friends with you. I was not lucky enough. I went as far as I could go with the man I adored and then was forced to stop. I waited until the tail lights of the big grey bus (an image which brings me to tears even now) were totally out of sight before I got into my car and sobbed. Then, when I could see through my salty tears, I drove home on the same road which my husband had driven us to base on only hours before.

It is the things like that drive which caused the most heartache. Things that brought back images, scents, words of my husband which caused me the most distress in the weeks after he left. When you are alone in your house and you can't finish your dinner, but you have no one to hand your plate off to, the deployment smacks you hard in the face just to remind you its still there. He's still gone. For the first few weeks you may cry without any particular reason because his absence was once again revealed in some small way. It is essential to go through this. You have to come to terms, in one form or another, with the fact that life is different for a little while. However, take heart, this phase will pass.

After the first several weeks a routine starts to take form. It may be as simple as brush teeth, eat cereal, watch TV, feed the dog, eat lunch, walk the dog, watch the news (though tentatively because you will learn that it can become obsessive), eat dinner and go to bed. Hopefully you find a job or occupy your time with school. My advice would be to get a hobby. I became very involved in scrapbooking right before my husband left so that I would have a fall-back if I ever had some free time by accident. The most important tool a soldier's wife has is activity. As long as you are doing something you are not concentrating on your man being gone. Once you have successfully developed a daily schedule of repetitive events, you will find that time will move along much faster. Do not be surprised by the occasional outburst - you will be sad once in a while. However, remember that not crying is alright. When you find your routine it will become much easier to smile and laugh as the days go by with less and less depressing reflections on your situation.

Those thoughts will decrease with your routine, yes, but if you want to really watch them dissipate you need to check your attitude. Our whole lives we are told that a positive mental attitude will solve our problems. Well, being optimistic is not going to bring the love of your life home, but it will make waiting much more pleasant. Think of it this way: no matter how you look at it, he is across the world in a war zone. There is no avoiding this fact. So you can either be miserable for a year and a half or you can allow yourself to enjoy what you can and be excited for the things you will get to enjoy together once he is home. With your new attitude, look for opportunities that this deployment may have opened. For me, my husband's deployment opened up time for me to get some on-campus credits at the school I had been attending online. Of course I would much rather have him home, but when I choose to look at it as an opportunity I would not have had otherwise, life becomes a lot easier. I am a happier wife for him to talk to and much more agreeable person to be around. It is all in your perspective. Remember that being upbeat does not mean that you miss your husband less. He will be relieved that his wife is doing well and he will do his job better over there knowing that he has no reason to worry about you.

The love of your life leaving you to go fight in a war is a scary thing. It is not an easy thing for people around you to understand, so you cannot rely on everyone else. You have to take care of yourself. If you and your spouse prepare well before he leaves, you give yourself appropriate time to be sad, you build a solid routine and you allow yourself to live in good spirits, you will learn to be strong. I am amazed at the change that has occurred in me since my husband left. At the beginning I was scared and I felt unbearably weak more often than not. Now I have confidence knowing that I will thrive during the remainder of his absence. It is certainly not the end of the world (something I would never have been able to say nine months ago). I am a better person because of this event and we have a stronger marriage. Deployment can be a terrifying prospect, but it does not have to be.

I get to be excited now!

I am finding that, in coming upon the last few months of deployment, I am finding huge joy from simply planning our lives together. It is almost as if we are getting married again. By the time we have our 2nd year anniversary 50% of our marriage will have been spent apart. When he gets home we will have some adjusting to do and it will be similar to the adjustments made when we first married. We will have to get used to living together again and get back into our schedule. Of course I am not anticipating this to be a difficult experience, I'm very exctied for it. And when he came home for RR it was like nothing had changed. I mean, we've grown and gotten closer and matured a little, but it was like picking up something that was set down only moments before.

There aren't adequate words to describe what a beautiful man Gabe is. I was thinking today of our future children's spouses (no, I'm not desiring to be a mother, just thinking to the far future). I was thinking that, if we have a daughter, I hope that the man she marries is like Gabe. If she were to find a man as honorable and godly and kind as Gabe, I would have no doubts that she found the very best man possible. I hope that one day I can tell her confidently that she's marrying a magnificent man.. I was thinking about the advice I would give her (this is probably all because I went to a bridal shower today). I thought I would tell her that she must remember that she is marrying a human and he will undoubtedly make a mistake, but that it isn't the mistakes that are made, it's how the mistakes made are handled. Gabe and I have had our tough times and have not been perfect, but I am utterly impressed by the man I married. He isn't perfect, but he is perfectly wonderful. He is God's masterpiece.

Anyway, I am getting really excited about his return. I can't wait to move into our apartment and set up our home and be together!! It's the smallest things which make me the happiest. His random kisses, his excited hugs coupled with that brilliant smile, his sweet voice telling me he loves me so much just so I don't forget it. Instead of always saying, "I miss" this or that, I can start saying, "I can't wait" for this or that. He's almost home... It's not too long now.

So here is my list of "I can't wait..."
...to be in our place somewhere and yelling out his name to have him come running over just to hug and kiss me.
...to watch movies with him on Friday nights when neither of us has to get up early the next morning.
...for his arms to wrap around me when he's half asleep in bed just because he wants to cuddle with his wife.
...to go out and spend our last few spendable dollars on a nice meal together or a $2 movie because we need to get out of the house and we work hard for the money.
...to go grocery shopping together and go behind him as he's picking things out to get the cheaper brand of the same thing (and hear him say, "Aw! Good job, baby. That's why I married you!").
...to sit in his lap while he plays games on the computer because even though he's practically addicted, he still wants to be with me.
...to watch the entire season of Grey's Anatomy in our free time and talk over the trials of Meredith and Christina.
...to take a walk in the neighborhood together and watch Samson try to lead.
...to talk about everything that happened in our respective days, nodding and going "Oh my gosh, he did what?" at the appropriate moments.
...to go outside and greet him with a kiss and a smile when I see his car come up the road.
...to get all curled up in those big arms the minute he sits down.
...for him to play with Samson when he gets home and Sam is all excited.
...to get a call from him while he's at work letting me know I can go have lunch with him if I leave the house that minute.
...to celebrate 4-day weekends with a road trip and an overnight stay in NY or D.C.
...to BBQ and watch him work his magic on a chicken.
...to entertain friends together in our home.
...to make dinner for him and hear his sweet praises of whatever I make - even if it's Tyson chicken breasts and mashed potatoes.
...to get into little arguments and work it out together, sitting on the couch discussing it and holding each other until we're closer than we were when we started.
...to pray together, in person.
...to read our Bibles together and learn from his wisdom.
...for our life to be better than ever, together physically as well as spiritually.


So now you have read just a few of the many, many things that I am looking forward to. Things that make my life so incredible. The things that keep me from ever wanting anyone else's life.

Lassen Park Fumeroles

Here is a video that we made at Lassen Volcanic National Park. It was a lot of fun to make. We wanted to show you guys the water in the big hole (or "fumerole" as Gabe corrected me) but I think it was lower in there than we thought. Anyway, enjoy!

Save Yourself, Private Ryan

So I showed Kaleb the video from Memorial Day that I posted in my blog. Watching it, I got emotional (of course, in my situation I'd be heartless not to). After it was over, I went in the bathroom to have a little cry and thank God for the people willing to sacrafice - the warriors and the warriors' families. And it occured to me, it is our responsibility to live up to that sacrafice.

Have you ever seen Saving Private Ryan? If you haven't, there is this scene in which Tom Hanks' character is telling Pvt Ryan that he is alive because good men died. He tells him that he had better live up to that. He had better do something with his life and cherish it to the highest degree because it is worth something. Pvt Ryan's life had blood on it. It had the sacrafice of men who didn't even know him on it. His life wasn't just his, it was the men who risked their own lives, too.

My point is that we, America, are Pvt Ryan. We're the ones with blood on our lives. We have the tears and the pain of the families left behind on us. We are here and we are free only because others died for us. We owe it to them to live with a purpose. We have a responsibility and an obligation to be good people. To love well and unselfishly, to lend a hand to people who need some help, to offer encouragement and support to the ones who are making quiet sacrafices at home with their husband, wife, son, daughter, best friend gone to war. Our lives are not ours only. We are here with great, great price.

Jesus Christ died on the cross for your sin. He made the ultimate sacrafice so that you could be free from seperation from God and from sin and guilt (and HE did it knowing all the things you would do. Knowing what kind of person you'd be). Don't forget that. And don't forget that many others throughout this country's history have made the greatest sacrafice they could for you. Stop being selfish. Stop making your problems so big. Get out of the mindset that it's all about you, because it's not. It's about striving to be worthy of those sacrafices.




What are you doing, Pvt Ryan? Are you worth the lives you cost?

The Condition of My Condition

My house is empty (THANK YOU, GOD!!), I have a good week to clean it, and my husband and I will be together in THREE WEEKS!!!!!

It has been so stressful. I thought it was never going to get done! Well, I knew that God would provide, as He always does, but I was sure frustrated! I wish I could say that I have handled all of this in the best way possible, that I've been the woman I should be through everything... but it's not true. I've wept, I've been scared, I've complained, I've gotten down... I want to be strong. I want to be the strong woman that Gabe wants me to be. The woman God calls me to be.

I wish that once we got saved everything was totally filtered and we never dealt with the old man again. That Satan would be instantly defeated in every one of his endeavors and we couldn't mess anything up no matter what was going on. I wish that every bad thought, word, and action was eradicated. I wish that we instantly became the person God wanted us to be. This, however, would serve no purpose... for what would we be if we were perfect? What experience would we have to relate to other people? What testimony of grace would we have? Without my trials and my failures, I'd have no reason to care so deeply about God. Sure, I'd love Him. Of course I'd spend time with Him. But I wouldn't have to seek Him. I think that to God, it is unmatchingly precious when His children run to Him in their darkest hour. When I cry out for my Father, I think His heart smiles. When I recognize that He's the only One who can totally fulfill my needs, I think He is blessed.

Sometimes I feel like God isn't there, like He doesn't care about my situation, like He isn't catching my tears. But I know this is all lies. My God cares about me. Look at my life: I am married to a godly man who is the most tangible display of God's love I will ever know, I have been blessed with a few friends who love the Lord and who He uses to lift me up, my needs are always taken care of... My life has always been blessed. My relationship with Gabe and our marriage has been blessed from day one. And despite the friends that didn't turn out to really be friends, I have always had someone to relate to, talk to, accept me (and now, with Gabe, I have a forever Best Friend. Someone who will never ever judge me or leave me). Despite my husband being deployed, our love and our relationship is still growing and we still go to each other with everything even when it's hard to be able to talk. I love him!
See how good my God is? See how He blesses me? Even in times of hardship; times when I feel so alone, times when no one seems to care, times when I feel down and deeply stressed, times when I am depressed; even in these times, God is here. God cares. God provides.

Oh, Wonderful God, how I want to please You and bring You blessings...


I will try, as I have been trying since the start, to be strong. I will try to rely on God to bring me strength and joy. I will try to show the whole world that my God is truly the Great Provider, the real Joy-Giver. I will keep trying... and when I stumble, please don't judge me. When I scrape that spiritual knee, please offer me a band-aid. I'm not perfect and I've never claimed to be. So if you think about it, pray for me. If you remember, encourage me. If you'd like to, give me a call. I want to be a prayer warrior, an encourager, and a friend to everyone else.... So I will keep trying. :-)

I miss my person

So it's taken me a while to write this blog because it stinks and I don't like thinking about it, but I want to share.

My person left. I don't know exactly how to explain what she means to me, but it's a lot. It was like having another husband - obviously Gabe is irreplaceable, but for about a month I had somebody to do everything with and talk about my day with. I had somebody to listen to me and goof off with me and just hang out... I didn't completely realize what a difference it is to have someone just be around the house with me. Not just someone to talk with or help do things, but someone to simply offer a prescence. It was so comforting to know that I wasn't alone in the house. It is amazing what social beings we are.

Coming home after dropping Beth off was like a watered down version of coming home after Gabe deployed. I felt so alone and the house was so eerily empty. I was exhausted and emotionally drained. All I could do was mope and cry. Just like Gabe leaving... this is so hard! And I know that God is with me and I know that I am never alone. But God made me a social creature and I desire that companionship. My husband, the companion God has provided me, is gone now and even though he is the sweetest man on the planet and talking to him makes me feel better in that moment, I need a tangible prescence. I am struggling to be OK as I'm lonely. God is good and He's more than enough for my needs...

Those needs including getting packed, moved, everything fixed and everything cleaned before clearing housing so I can leave. Plus I have things with school I need to take care of... I have so much to do. I wanted to try and get a plane ticket for my mom but I can't afford it and I honestly have no idea who is going to help me... my friends have work and my church hasn't been the most reliable. But I suppose that this experience will give me some great tools for the future and will build strength.

Gabriel is so wonderful. He wishes so badly that he could be here to do everything himself instead of me having to do it. He is so understanding and sweet. He told me to take heart because soon I'll be with him and he'll treat me like a queen and dote on me and make me forget that I have to do everything on my own... I love him. I don't expect to be served while I just sit there and do nothing, of course. But it is so sweet of him to remind me that I have a husband who really does see me as his beautiful queen (to his king, of course, not servant) and wants to pamper me... I love that I have someone who wants to take care of me even if he physically can't. And more than just, "I wish I could be there." He really means it. He really does appreciate that it is tough out here and he really does want to make it all go away for me. I am so blessed to have married a man who loves me this much. And to have a soldier who doesn't discount what I'm going through over here even with all he goes through over there. He is patient with me and he reminds me gently that we are here for each other, we are a team... we are "thick as thieves, baby." Oh I love him!

I will get through this trial. I will find out that I'm stronger than I thought (with God, of course, everything is bearable). I will see who cares and I will learn lessons that will be worth everything. As for the lessons I have learned, they'll be tweaked as I'll be tweaked to be more aligned with God's heart.

Beth, if you're reading this, I love you. And I miss you.

How to Spot Us

I found this on a Military Wife forum and I thought I'd share. Of course, it wouldn't be a Krysann Blog without my input so I added some. :-)

How to identify a military wife:

1. We own at least one article of clothing with our man's branch on it and we proudly wear it at least once a week!
For me it's a necklace with the patron saint of paratroopers on it (you don't have to be catholic!).

2. Our AOL/YAHOO/MSN/MYSPACE etc. Profiles have something to do with the military or song lyrics in them!
SoldiersGirl312 haha

3. We know what the terms AIT, PCS, Field Day, and PT mean and have no trouble using them on a daily basis.
Yeah... lol Talking to my civilian friends and family is funny sometimes.

4. We know the difference between Recruit, Enlisted, Officer, and we know the rank structure like that back of our hand.
Well... I don't know the rank structure that well, but I know Gabe has a lot of bosses. lol

5. We feel every note of the songs, "I'm already there" "When I'm Gone" "Here Without You" "Far Away" "Proud to Be An American" and "The National Anthem."
Yeah... It's ok, though.

6. We watch the News and cry hysterically for fallen Marines, Soldiers, Airmen, and Sailors, and no one seems to understand why.
I think people understand why, just not really the depth of why we're crying.

7. We just cry....... and cry......... and cry....... and cry for no reason at all and we are ok with it! Well, at least I'm not the only one. And I don't think, as some do, that crying means you're weak. A strong, strong person still feels pain and fear.... they wouldn't be strong if it were easy.

8. We have at least one but probably more family member that doesn't approve or doesn't understand our long distance relationship.
Yes. Mostly for me it's just that people don't get the seperation.

9. At the ages of 17-21 we don't mind sayin' yes to a marriage proposal! Yep!
And we can take the critism - especially when we know God is blessing it. Though not all military couples are in that place. :-(

10. Everytime there is a bulletin on Myspace about the Military we repost it.
Usually. Though there aren't many.

11. We smile when we see a serviceman wearing their uniform in public.
It reminds me of my soldier! And when I see Gabe in his uniform... aw, my heart smiles!

12. We get teary eyed when The Star Spangled Banner is sung at sporting events and watching the flag blow in the wind.
Sometimes. I can't help it. That's the Spirit my husband is defending.

13. We get pissed off when people don't remove their hats to show respect when The Star Spangled Banner is being sung.
This is true, but I've always been that way. My dad was that way and it made me have respect for the Pledge and the Flag.

14. We understand military time and we use it on a regular basis!
On the contrary, most military wives HATE using military time because it reminds them that the Army controls every aspect of their life. :-) So we usually just use civvie time.

Happy Fourth

I think that the Fourth of July may be my favorite holiday because it is almost purely just a celebration. Christmas is wonderful, but if you just celebrate and forget about Jesus, you're not doing it right. Thanksgiving is probably my next favorite, but if you only enjoy time with family and the big feast, you're missing the point... the fact that there is a point seperates it from Independence Day. On the 4th of July you aren't expected to remember anything. You don't have to check yourself during the festivities to be sure you're not taking advantage of something.

I love the 4th. All you have to know is that it's America's Birthday. By decorating everything in flag colors, setting off fire works, barbequing with your family and taking the day off work you're celebrating that. The very nature of the holiday is celebration and victory. No prayer vigils or moments of silence. No rushing your "thank you's" to God for every little thing you can think of to make Him happy. No church services that you're anxious to get out of... just a celebrating.
I love that you really can't do the 4th wrong. That's what I love about it. I love that if you went to your buddy's house and ate his BBQ you'd be having just as great a holiday as if you went to a formal dinner with red, white and blue decor. I love that everybody watches fireworks (almost everybody) or hears them... Like the whole country lighting candles on a collossal cake. Happy Birthday, America!





In any case, I spent this fourth working at the gym, running errands around town, and screaming in fear of sparklers. I can hear the fireworks... I just can't see them. And poor Sam is scared to death. But, like Gabe said, the 4th of August will be awesome! And right he is!