A Love Story

I read them with indulgent envy. How I would love to dive into their worlds and become a heroic queen in the 1500s or a simple farmer in the 1850s. How I would don the calico and live for harvest season. How I would restore virtue to a desolate land. How I would be painted with colorful language, intimate details recorded with skill and prose. My life made official. Etched in minds and hearts the way only a great story can be.

"Every Good and Perfect Gift Comes from Above"

I miss him. That has not changed.

The "rule" I discovered about his departure bringing minor calamities has proven true as well. RJ got splinters all over the bottom of her feet (and she won't let me remove them), a big diaper rash suddenly formed, Gabe's laptop just wouldn't turn on so we couldn't use that to communicate, Raychel has bled for the first time from a fall... and then repeated it twice more...

"But as for me and my house..."

It's amazing how sometimes the simplest things reveal the most about God...

Several nights ago I put Raychel down in her crib after a late night feeding. I believe she was still pretty awake and at that point she was not proficient in putting her self to sleep. We had to get up early the next morning to leave for our trip to Sandpoint so the whole family needed to get some good quality shut-eye. The nervous mother in me anticipated a fussing RJ, a tired husband and a fabulous headache the next day. As I laid down in bed, sure enough, I heard her start herself up. She wasn't in distress, just making some of those early fussing noises and I could tell that she was going to keep going right into Screamville.

So I prayed. God has put it on my heart, whenever she is crying and I know she is okay, to pray that she feels safe somehow and that she knows she is loved and protected. So I prayed this prayer as the monitor lit up with little coos and grunts. I asked God to help her drift to sleep, to let her know somehow that He's with her. I hardly noticed that her noises died down.

Blue-'Berry

I am typing this with my darling little girl asleep next to me with her hands sweetly and gracefully balled up next to her face, one holding her chin. She has a content look on her face and every now and then a smile spreads under her button nose. She is a miracle. She is everything that is right with this world. She is God's message of hope and abundant affection. She is my beloved and anticipated Raychel Joye whom I have adored since long before I was a mother, a wife, a fiance or a girlfriend. She is my daughter.

I wanted to write this for a few reasons. One being that I am a writer at heart and it would be strange for me not to record it somewhere. Another being that I know I am not alone and I want others to know that they are also not alone. I was not prepared for the "Baby Blues" and I think that if I had read others' accounts and gotten an idea of what might happen it would have been helpful. The most significant reason however is to brag a little about my God. :)

When All the Love in the World is Right Here Among Us

I can say it over and over again, but the truth in God's ridiculous love doesn't weaken: His love is not reasonable... Not to say He's not a god of reason, but that He defies it for us. I love the moments when a song gets stuck in my head or I see a bit of grace somewhere unexpected or I hear a word from a brother or sister and my wandering mind is miraculously focused. In those moments the clearest thing to me, so far above my views on any theological quandary, is that my sweet and terrifying God is sweetly and

Allelujah

Once again in church, during worship, my thoughts wandered a bit... My passion lacked and I prayed for focus, for humility, for less of myself and more of Jesus. Then as we began singing "Lead Me to the Cross" my prayer was answered. It carried into "All Creatures of Our God and King" as I was once again led to reflect on this baby - this small (and growing) creature of the King's for whom He died. And not only died, but endured temptation, severe persecution, betrayal, mockery, disappointment, fear...

An Attempt to Lift His Name High

"For this very heart you have shaped for your pleasure, purposed to lift your name high."

(Brooke Fraser, "Lord of Lords")

God is King. He rules over Heaven and earth, over life and death, over peace and chaos. He reigns over the nations and their leaders. He reigns over fear, over worry, over hopeless situations. He reigns over rest and sleep and enjoyment. He is the King of the mountains and valleys, all of nature bows to His sovereignty. He doesn't need a crown, but the sunrise can serve that purpose. He doesn't need a throne, though the one described in the Bible is nothing short of majestic. He doesn't need our recognition, He is

"My love is mad, without motive, as Your love is, too."

This is a Romanian poem, translated to English by the author, a preacher who was imprisoned during the communist rule in Romania. He describes the time of authorship as a time when he felt Satan's presence in his cell. After being kidnapped, kept away from his wife and son who had no idea where he was, tortured to recant his faith, with no end in sight, he wrestled with doubt and accusations against Christ. He felt abandoned by God and taunted by Satan. He wrote this poem (it doesn't look like a poem in

Bad Baby Pie

So during the worship time at church a couple weeks ago we sang the song that goes,
"Crucified, laid behind a stone. You lived to die, rejected and alone. Like a rose, trampled on the ground You took the fall and thought of me above all."

When I sing those words I can't help but put myself in the "me" position and reflect on how Jesus

Mystery by Brooke Fraser

Note: These are not official lyrics.

I want to get your words stuck in my head
I want to touch your soul with mine
I want to always be, be by you led always

To God Be the Glory... With or Without the Great Things He Hath Done

Being an over-thinker, my logic on nearly all subjects ends up bringing me to that "WHY?" question; you know the one… That enormous, ancient, often decorated but generally ugly elephant in the room which has sent some to an asylum and others to sheer Hedonism: Why are we here? I admit I have been depressed at the other end of this question on more than one occasion.... We are born, we live, we love, we suffer and then we die. I may

Just a Drop of Monterey... and Less than that of God's Love

The other day Gabe and I were made aware of a job fair in Monterey. So of course he wanted to go. I thought, "I have not been to Monterey for a while, maybe after the fair we can go to Cannery Row or something," and decided to accompony him.

Our World

Well, after the episode yesterday we were not going to be deterred today. We first went to Moss Landing (found some wonderful beaches there, but they wouldn't allow Sam and the one that did was a little crowded). Then we went to "our" beach, Rio Del Mar in Aptos - the beach that was once the most polluted int the state.. ha ha. But now it is clean and very inviting. It was also not too populated for it being New Year's Eve... All I had